A Dialog WIth a Bot (Frustration) -- A short poem in prose

 

 

Hi Bruce,

I have a job that I think lines up well with your resume. It's new, so they don't have many candidates yet. Check out the description and hit "1-Click Apply" if you like what you see.

Life Insurance Agent - Driven Insurance Services - Roanoke, VA
$100,000 to $250,000 Annually

During these uncertain times, help families secure their most valuable assets, their LIFE , while earning the BEST COMPENSATION in the Life Insurance Industry!! * You must have or willing to......

 

(Is this job a good match? If not, please let us know so we can improve our results.)

Regards,

Phil - Job Seeker Advocate
ZipRecruiter, Inc. 604 Arizona Ave., Santa Monica, CA 90401, USA  

 

Dear Phil,

This job, in NO WAY, "lines up well with [my] resume." What on earth makes you think that a 30-year career in JOURNALISM makes me an insurance agent?! And this was perhaps the closest to a match of all the utterly useless emails that have been sent to me under your name. TRY HARDER.

Of course, I realize that there is no Phil. Phil is a bot run by the totally inadequate AI in ZipRecruiter. But pointing this all out does make me feel marginally better.

Be assured I will be only occasionally paying attention to your future efforts.

 

 

Hello,

You’ve replied to an inbox that is not actively monitored. If you have a question about your job search, please visit our Candidate Help Center.

“Phil” is simply a representation of the people and technology working hard at ZipRecruiter to help you find your next job. An email or text from Phil is just our way of alerting you about new job opportunities, and keeping you up-to-date on the progress of your search.

 

Sincerely,

The ZipRecruiter Team

 

Hire the Old Guys

 

So I am the least hire-able thing in America right now:  A straight, white, older male. I can't do much about any of that, but I can argue one point: Older.

Y'all should hire the old guys (and I use "guys" generically -- it applies to women too, probably even more so). You should hire us because, well, first of all, we have been doing what we've been doing for a while. We should have it figured out, right? I mean, work smarter not harder? And even if you're hiring us to do something we aren't currently doing, we've gotten good at figuring things out. After all, we weren't born into the internet age, but we just answered your email, so ...

But it's bigger than all that, because this is the larger point: We've already done stupid. The old guys have done all the dumb things younger people do, and discovered it's a bad idea. We know that drinking all night and missing work is a bad idea. We know not reading the instructions and just faking it is a bad idea. We know that ignoring the guy who has done the job for 10 years and thinking we know better is a really bad idea. Because we've been that other guy.

So hire the old guys. You'll thank me later.